Journal Launch
My darkest days were those when I felt completely alone, mostly in 2016-2017 2017, and after I lost my son Jude in 2020. At the time, I really dove into my writing. I was awakened by the power of words, but also by the sharing and new-found community,which gave me hope again. These things are now what drive me forward. There is purpose in what has happened to us, and we can still have a fulfilling life as loss mamas, where we can share and grow and connect, together.
I recently had a journal made and printed, a book for ideas and for reflection for mothers who have experienced loss. Today I am launching this idea, a journal (& a Rainbow Hat) just for the group members on my Instagram page, a group called “Sisterhood of the Travelling Diary to Our Babies: Journaling Through Pregnancy Loss.”
The idea is to send the journal to one member of this group who has gone through loss. The journal is a place where they can share the story of their baby and their experience. They can write anything they are feeling or thinking, without any regrets.We know that our feelings will pass, but they are legitimate and deserve to be expressed. The member can choose if they would like their diary entries to stay anonymous. They can elect whether they wish for their segment to be shared one day, anonymously if that is their choice, as it might be helpful for another mom who may be feeling something similar one day.
My thought is that every two weeks the journal could be sent to another loss mama, and the journal could form a sisterhood of a travelling diary, and our stories could be shared with each other. I still need to figure out how to pay for shipping, or maybe people are willing to pay for this part, or maybe I can somehow find more fundraising for this.
This journal will only be offered to the close-knit members of this Instagram group. Everyone who wants to participate can send me their address if they wish to receive the journal at somepoint. I will keep addresses and names confidential. The addressof the person receiving the journal next will be privately messaged to the current journal writer so they can forward the book. I will choose the next writer randomly, by pulling an address from my rainbow hat. I will take care of all of that. I will also cover the initial cost of shipping the journal the first time. It is my gift to you, so you can be cathartic and just write. Even if no writing comes, just a dot, there is no pressure. Just being able to reflect for a moment or skim the many stories ahead of yours is so valuable. Sharing collectively in a safe place with others who truly understand our deepest and darkest thoughts as no one else can unless they've been through it, is the idea I have for this journal.
We can begin to change the script on pregnancy loss,changing how people understand our losses. Here are somepoints to think about that might help you with your journal entries. You could:
• Use GTPAL and state your number.
• Share the name of your baby.
• Write something that this experience has taught you.
• Write about something that has been terribly bad during this process, and then something horrifyingly beautiful that came out of it.
• Tell us your current story and where you are in your journey.
• Leave something helpful or hopeful for the next person, or even for yourself.
The goal is to let this be a safe place and community, to write your deepest feelings with no one knowing who you are (if that is your wish), to write your raw truth with no stopping. To have a tangible and physical place where our babies and their stories are held together. A secret book, one that can unlock all the stigma and isolation that is attached.
A nurse once said to me that she does the neonatal work because when she sees the families who come back with their children down the road it is so rewarding. I remember smiling agreeably with her, but in my mind saying “yeah, okay.” You just can’t picture it when you’re in the depths of grief. But I think we need these stories to remind us there is hope. As I often say, the grief does change, our stories do evolve, but they always do include our angels in some way.
My hope is to eventually offer a story time for all members at the end of the year, and maybe if I’m still at this in five years the journal can serve as a time capsule to where we are today, reminding us of our journey and how far we’ve come, always moving forward, no matter what. A time capsule that we can celebrate and cherish together, through our pain and eventual growth. Our lives will become richer, and we will heal because we have to continue.
I hope this book brings hope for the future, with glimmers of joy as we share our babies with each other. I think we will find meaning in this, and perhaps even enjoyment in wanting to share the good memories our babies brought to our lives. At the end of the year, we will have an honest compilation of where we all were on our journey. A place where we can all start to share the messages from our babies. If we pay attention today, see what comes up, and write it down, our babies’ stories will continue because they live on in all of us. The journal will bep roof of that, and how our babies continue to show up for us and our lives. Our angels will continue to greet us in unimaginable ways, ways that we can capture in these pages.
My hope is that the journal is a safe place where we remember our babies’ lives, that they were here, and that they mattered. And that they will continue to matter in all the ways we honour them, by ourselves and with the support and love that surrounds us in this shared community of everlasting love. A connection unbreakable.
The Rainbow Hat you can wear like all the sisters on this journey to feel the love, light & connection that surrounds us in the darkness of Pregnancy Loss. Our journeys are hard but they are full of colour from our babies!
